Gary Murray

The question arises, “Why would you, a shopper for class, read this?”Well, probably because you have no class and need class. So you ask me, “Do you have class?” Remember, those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach defensive driving.

Signup for one of my classes now and you’ll have class!

I am supposed to list my accomplishments. I once shot an elephant in my pajamas, and how he got in my pajamas I’ll never know. Okay, Groucho Marx did that, but we have the same initials and almost the same birthday.

I’ve been on stage for years playing everything from a tomato (nursery school, where I was the only kid fat enough to fit the costume) to an alcoholic judge. They said the last was typecasting. I resent that: I’ve never been a judge. I’ve performed at Santa and Henry VIII, just about all the great fat guy roles. I’ve been in movies and commercials, most of which have seldom been seen. This includes America’s Funniest People, which shows how desperate America is for humor. I’ve also been on the stand-up stage around the country.

With my stellar acting and comedy career in a plummeting free fall, I have turned to that last bastion of creativity: I have become a writer. My mighty pen has crafted industrial scripts and a defensive driving textbook. Those who can’t teach, write about the subject. I’ve even scribed parts of the on-line course you may take from us. (I wrote the funny jokes.)

But the biggest successes have been in the entertainment field. As a critic and staff writer, I spill our thousands of words that few read and fewer even care about. I have interviewed the famous and the soon to be famous. Some are wonderful, and some are pompous jerks, which could also describe the Dallas Area press.

For the curious, my entertainment writings can be found on Selig Film News  and

Still working on that novel and still trying to get anyone to be interested in that screenplay. All of this just affirms how unsuccessful my life has become.

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